Category Archives: B.M.W.B

B.M.W.B #52 – Getting Uncomfortable

Wow! I can’t believe 52 Becoming The Mama I Want to Be posts – of all the things I’ve done this year this has been the best one, the most significant and in many ways the easiest. It’s actually rather easy to enjoy special time with my boys.

This week we got up with the boys (6.30am!!!!) and watched a Christmas movie together. Our boys go to bed really early so a movie after tea is not an option. So instead I got uncomfortable – I hauled myself out of bed when I could have slept in (hello holidays!) and instead of them watching it alone we watched together and then afterwards we talked about what we liked and what made us laugh.

I acted excited to get out of bed when they came in all excited and shiny eyed in the morning…. and actually I enjoyed myself! Sometimes for me the barrier is my own laziness and when I get over this I am always the better for it.

Being together on a special occasion creates such a sense of team and love. It’s never a waste of time. Never.( I didn’t take photos you really don’t need to see me at this time of the day!)

I have so enjoyed this series this year and you have no idea how much your encouragement has meant to me. I have such a passion for people and families to love and enjoy each other and the thought that someone else might find this space helps/encourages them to do the same gives me such joy.

In 2013 I will continue this series on a Monday – including a linky so that you can help me to encourage, be encouraged and resource each other. I would love to have your input too.

And I have made a button – cue huge gasp! With help and direction and here it is :o)

 

Create Hope Inspire

So if you would like to join in with these posts anytime please grab the code on the right.

I am making more of a conscious effort to have quality moments with my boys. B.M.W.B (becoming the mama I want to be)  is my way of recording and hopefully inspiring other mama’s too. 

 Simple. Achievable. Intentional: becoming the mama I want to be.

B.M.W.B #51 – The Words We Shall Not Speak

This week has been the worst some families will ever experience. There are families (not just in the USA but this is in my heart and tears) that have lost little ones…. ones they love like I love my boys.

I have been thinking so much about these families – the searing loss, the aching and I so recognise how easy it is to respond in fear. To worry for my children, for the people who inhabit the world they are growing into, to fear the diseases, the dangers, the predators….. but even though that might motivate me (for a time) to love and cherish my children more it is not where I want to parent from.

Fear

Obligation

Guilt

These are the words I want to banish from my parenting. These words, their feelings, the actions they motivate – these are not the mama I want to become.

Fear, when we allow it to set up camp – controls us, it robs us, it makes us cling to children where we should be throwing them in the air, cheering at their attempts to learn new skills, it makes us hold them back from the world they need to experience (I’m not talking about unsafe risks, I’m talking about the joys – and sometimes pains – of being a child). Too many children in many places are robbed of their chance to experience childhood, skinned knees and all. I will not let my fear rob my children of their opportunity.

Obligation – along with its long-suffering companion the heavy sigh – is robbing mama’s of being the mama they long to be. So busy having to do this, should be doing that, ought to have done……. maybe it’s abandoning the home baking this week, or leaving the dishes in the sink or ‘forgetting’ homework for a night. Parenting out of obligation just leads done a very slippery slope to resentment. It does mean the physical needs are met but don’t for a second be fooled that an obliged parent is giving or receiving joy from her family.

Guilt – I have made mistakes, my parents have made mistakes and their parents before them too. If I focus on these I spend so much time in ‘self-improving/being trapped in a cycle of regret/ not doing it the way my parents did it‘ that I take my eyes off the goal – this moment, this experience, this opportunity to laugh or cry, this chance to skip down the road. Guilt traps us in the past. I want to parent right here, today, in this moment.

I love this quote – it reminds me I want people to treat my children with a fresh slate each day and I too need to start each parenting day with a fresh slate too.

 

So what words shall we speak of?

Joy

Celebration

Future

It is a joy to have my boys. A joy not allowed to everyone who longs to parent. I will enjoy this moment. This mess that speaks of a home inhabited by small children. Joy in the noise that demonstrates children relaxed, children expressive, children who do not have to silence their thoughts. I will lie in bed at the end of the day and thank God with joy for the minutes, days and years I have been given with these boys so far.

Celebration – every day is a gift. I am not promised tomorrow for myself or my boys and so I will celebrate today.

Future – I will parent with the future in mind. With my hopes for men who will be filled with compassion and strength. Men who will be generous in their actions, their laughter, their friendships. Because while I choose and hope to dwell right here in this moment I am also growing men. For me this is like stopping to smell the roses – looking at the delicate buds, marveling at the flowers but remembering to water that same plant because I hope it will bloom for a good many years more.

This week I started teaching my biggest boy to sew (he made a Christmas gift for his brother) and I sat in the sandpit (in my Sunday dress and ‘pearls’) with my littlest boy. Because I enjoy them, because they make every day worth celebrating, because they are without a doubt the best thing I have to invest my life into for every single day we have one another.

(I realise this is like the longest post ever pretty much I’ve written it for me…. but I’d be stoked if it encouraged you too)

This year I am making more of a conscious effort to have quality moments with my boys. B.M.W.B (becoming the mama I want to be)  is my way of recording and hopefully inspiring other mama’s too. 

 Simple. Achievable. Intentional: becoming the mama I want to be.

B.M.W.B #50 – Feeding the Ducks

Thanks so much to those who linked in parenting posts last weeks. There were some great ideas and some very encouraging and inspiring reads. If you missed them you can find them here.

 

 

This week we stopped to feed the ducks. We had a bag of bread crusts and it was a sweltering day – a friend suggested we joined them for ice-blocks and we suggested the join us for duck feeding so we did.

It was so lovely to stop on the way home and just get out of the usual rhythms of after-school hustle and bustle.

 

 

This year I am making more of a conscious effort to have quality moments with my boys. B.M.W.B (becoming the mama I want to be)  is my way of recording and hopefully inspiring other mama’s too. 

 Simple. Achievable. Intentional: becoming the mama I want to be.

 

 

B.M.W.B #48 – Without Technology

I think sometimes that technology is the greatest barrier to good parenting and its greatest inspiration.

The lure of the quick email check, the scintillating blog post that distracts and I’m not even on facebook or twitter!

But then there is the inspiration, the solidarity, the sharing of the joy in the journey, the ease of finding tips, party plans, reward charts….. the ease of sharing photos…. it’s not all bad.

On Sunday The Atlas was away and I had promised the boys we would bike to the dairy to spend some pocket-money. For more on how we do pocket-money see here.

As we left I said ‘we could go to the dairy you suggested or we could bike down to the one by school and stop for a play on the playground’. Unanimously accepted the alternative!

So we biked in the sun with no hurry. We stopped and ate ice-blocks and played on the playground. I had no camera (the photo is an old one), no phone, no book to read, no other adult to chat with – just 2 boys to enjoy. We were very thankful for the open toilets… possibly accidental …. but when it was number 2s we needed to do I’m sure the caretaker was pleased too.

I even played tree tag and I’m not usually a tag player. The Atlas is naturally good at these things – being present, playing tag, not hurrying…. I am learning them and without him there I had the choice of stepping up. I’m pleased I did.

This year I am making more of a conscious effort to have quality moments with my boys. B.M.W.B (becoming the mama I want to be)  is my way of recording and hopefully inspiring other mama’s too. 

 Simple. Achievable. Intentional: becoming the mama I want to be.

And happy anniversary to The Atlas – man of my life. So thrilled to have spent the last 13 years playing wife to you. xxxx

B.M.W.B#47 – Commentary

On Sunday evening we had dinner early and went for a walk together. Usually the boys would have headed off and done this while I made tea and I wouldn’t have minded but I am being more mindful these days. More intentional to be involved to include myself in the adventure.

Having boys makes me acutely aware that if I don’t choose to hang out there will be a time that they stop remembering to ask me.

While we were there I did some commentary on what they were doing. It is just as it sounds – being like a sports commentator and describing with enthusiasm all that they are doing.

The boys love this so, so much. Of course it shows that you are really paying attention – you can’t make a comment on the moment they swerve to the side when you aren’t watching.

I love watching them grow, seeing their delight. I love the special moments The Atlas and I share when we see them doing something that is as sweet as all the good things we know rolled up into one moment.

I do love these boys, unashamedly – they are my delight.

This year I am making more of a conscious effort to have quality moments with my boys. B.M.W.B (becoming the mama I want to be)  is my way of recording and hopefully inspiring other mama’s too. 

 Simple. Achievable. Intentional: becoming the mama I want to be.

 If you haven’t entered my giveaway yet please do.

 

B.M.W.B #46 – Family Scavenger Hunt

On Saturday afternoon while Bounce and Daddy were out on a birthday date Flip and I made a family scavenger hunt. It was his idea and we chatted about how to do it.

In the end everyone had their own list 5 inside challenges and 5 inside challenges. We wrote up Daddy and Bounce’s ones together and I wrote his as a secret and he mine.

Then when Daddy and Bounce came home we played the hunt with a dice. If you rolled a 3 or more you chose inside or outside and did one of the challenges on the list then you stamped it off (very complicated rules you can see!!). Bounce never rolled a 1 or 2 so he won.

It was so fun. The boys had put up the tent on the lawn so we all sat by the tent and ate our dinner together. I do love the lazy pace that some weekends have.

Can you believe it’s 46 weeks into the year already??

Time to start thinking about Christmas and making things together for that!

Thank you so much for those who have taken time to encourage me on this B.M.W.B journey.

This year I am making more of a conscious effort to have quality moments with my boys. B.M.W.B (becoming the mama I want to be)  is my way of recording and hopefully inspiring other mama’s too. 

 Simple. Achievable. Intentional: becoming the mama I want to be.

 Remember November giveaway post here

Other posts about parenting

B.M.W.B #45 – In The Planning

I am an anticipator – I love to look forward to things, to know something exciting is around the corner. I feel like this every time I go to the mailbox and often when the phone rings too – I imagine something exciting waiting for me in there or some wonderful news on the other end…..perhaps it is a little odd after 34 years I still have this but hey it makes life exciting right??

The other day I was sent a link to this awesome post of Treena-Marie’s where she outlines all the cool advent activities they do and I decided to pirate it for myself (with some changes to suit us and because I am too lazy to make a gingerbread house – just sayin!)

This is going to be a surprise for the boys but I also wanted to get them anticipating special things we can do together so when some of them happen they have that lovely ‘It’s just what I had thought about/wanted to do feeling’.

So today we just sat and chatted together about some fun things we had done over the last couple of years and also things they wanted to do. I took notes – I think that adds importance and makes them feel honoured and heard – nothing like seeing your brilliant idea written down in Mama’s special notebook to make you feel good.

Do you include your children in planning or do you take them by surprise? I think there is room for both myself and if you have a child like me then just let them know a surprise is coming up and you’ll be ticking both their boxes!!

This year I am making more of a conscious effort to have quality moments with my boys. B.M.W.B (becoming the mama I want to be)  is my way of recording and hopefully inspiring other mama’s too. 

 Simple. Achievable. Intentional: becoming the mama I want to be.

 

B.M.W.B #44 Little Things

It was Monday afternoon and I was aware I really had nothing to talk about this week and so I thanked my internet accountability team (that’s you, you are my unpaid staff!) and we made chalk paint.

I found this on pinterest (surprise, surprise!)

equal measures of cornflour and water – I used 1/3 of a cup of each and mix.

I poured them into teeny muffin tins and let the boys colour their own

Then we went and painted with them on the driveway.

Dinner was baking in the oven and the sun was shining.

It didn’t take all afternoon but it was restful and focussed and we chatted and listened to Bounce as he sang with delight.

The liquid changes to a chalky powder as it dries and it lasts for ages (especially when you can only find super fine brushes!!)

Having dinner organised in the middle of the day and an attitude that the afternoon is for the boys with me made Monday afternoon beautiful. (and with a 5am start it could have been otherwise!!)

This year I am making more of a conscious effort to have quality moments with my boys. B.M.W.B (becoming the mama I want to be)  is my way of recording and hopefully inspiring other mama’s too. 

Simple. Achievable. Intentional: becoming the mama I want to be.

B.M.W.B # 43 – Team Work

This week I want to talk about being the kind of team I hope to be. As you’ll know I’ve just had an extended weekend with The Atlas in Melbourne, and while who would turn down a wonderful city break it is much more than that to me.

As a mama of boys I am very aware that they are watching me all the time. Seeing how I talk to The Atlas, how I talk about him, the tone, the volume the words. I am showing them what they will grow up to expect from a wife (and I do hope they have one, one day a long, long time away!!!). I am setting the tone for their understanding of how women feel, behave and think about and towards men.

While in some ways this freaks me out I also think this is something I need to take seriously. The Atlas is an amazing man and a man very deserving of my honour, support, love and delight.

Sometimes he comes home to a grumpy, huffy person I am ashamed to say, and it’s not just him I let down by that I also let my boys down.

Getting away together for special couple time is such a treat for our relationship but it is also about being the mama I want to be. A mama who loves her man and puts that relationship first.

When Mama and Papa are on the same team, hand in hand, back to back and laughing together then we are giving our boys a wonderful launching pad and a safe landing-place.

This week being the best mama I can be has meant taking time to delight in the relationship that made this possible and the relationship that will, I hope and pray, continue in a healthy, happy way long after our babies have flown the nest.

This year I am making more of a conscious effort to have quality moments with my boys. B.M.W.B (becoming the mama I want to be)  is my way of recording and hopefully inspiring other mama’s too. 

Simple. Achievable. Intentional: becoming the mama I want to be.

(I realise it is probably very unfashionable and very unPC to talk about being a ‘good’ wife but actually I just think that is a shameful measure of our culture. I have married a good man and I want to be a good woman to match.)

B.M.W.B #42 -Practical Generosity

As a parent I think a bit about what kind of boys I hope my sons will be when they are adults.

At the moment the main words I think about are – strength, compassion, gentleness and generosity. The thing is though these things are kind of hard to measure so I am trying to get them to practice these things now at their own age level.

We have just finished putting together our Operation Christmas Child boxes which we have done together for the last 2 years. I love the way you can watch videos of children receiving their gifts, read stories that make you realise your impact and how the boys can pick stuff they would love to get.

This weekend we also shared a stall at a local crafty market. Jamie (another chch blogger) and her daughter generously said we could have half their table. So during the week we made treat-y foods and Flip spent time studying the Gifts For Life catalogue, because I promised them for every thing they made at the market they could choose gifts from the brochure to buy. I love that they were happy and excited about that. It didn’t occur to them that they should be making money for themselves.

The market itself didn’t offer the best weather (check out the little faces above!) – by 10am this is what we were like to shelter from the rain and the wind was blowing all our little signs around. Some other lovely stall-holders bought some bits from the boys which they loved.

We came home cold and wet but happy we had just stocked up the firewood!! Then Ma and Aunty N came round and we made them a stall and they bought some more things as well. (I think they were especially keen given the sweet nature of the stall holders and the slow sales they had had!!)

Then in the afternoon on a trip to see friends we also packed up a bag of cupcakes and gave them away – because all generous behaviour is good.

Do you think much about the kind of adults you are hoping to raise?

What characteristics do you most hope for?

This year I am making more of a conscious effort to have quality moments with my boys. B.M.W.B (becoming the mama I want to be)  is my way of recording and hopefully inspiring other mama’s too. 

Simple. Achievable. Intentional: becoming the mama I want to be.